The DavidCyrus Blog of Wisdom

If We Can't Straighten Out Iraq, Who Can?
In keeping with the "Bolton for U.N. Tyrant" gameplan, how about, "Hussein for Iraqi Peacekeeper"?

Saddam Hussein is currently under lock and key. That's right, the last surviving reason for invading Iraq is being held captive and awaiting trial. Sure, there are ongoing terrorist actions being waged upon our troops and Iraqi citizens, but at least the kingpin is out of the picture, right?

Well, according to several overseas reports, apparently Donald Rumsfeld (an old friend of Saddam's from Reagan days) would like to restart negotiations with Hussein, putting on the table Saddam's release and even his return to public life. All they want him to do is make a few public service announcements, stating that the insurgents should adopt a cease-fire. So, why not let him out?

Is this for real? Is our exit strategy for Iraq so hopelessly confused, that we are now asking an imprisoned Saddam Hussein to formally surrender, with the hopes that this will bring a halt to the Iraqi insurgency?

Old Friends Cutting Another Deal

It's probably faux news. We couldn't possibly be asking Saddam to surrender, could we? That would mean that he is really still in charge! I'm sure the plan was to allow him no more than one or two days of freedon before assassinating him. With the fallout from Abu Ghraib just settling down, maybe an order was given to, "Kill Hussein; just don't do it in prison"

Remaining Optimistic on Bush's Logic for War
key: "logic" isn't really involved

More and more reports keep turning up, proving that Iraq was never a threat to Americans, Iraelis, and probably not even Iran in the days leading up to Operation Iraqi Freedom. Yet, the President remains unfazed. We see headlines like, "Bush more certain than ever on Iraq war"

How does he do it?

One easy way to remain steadfast in a mistaken belief is to rid yourself of opposing arguments. For example, suppose a military report is published stating that global terrorism has been steadily increasing since the Gulf War started? Suppose this report doesn't even count terrorist acts inside of Iraq (the place formerly known as Ground Zero for the International Cooperative Brotherhood of Terrorists (ICBT)? What to do? This goes completely against the belief that the War on Terror (Season One: Iraq) is actually reducing international terror.

The answer is simple; Bury It! As demonstrated by the Bush administration eliminating an annual international terrorism report That's right, if an annual terrorism report, 19 years running, doesn't support your war, what good is it?

There- don't you feel better? It's much easier to support the war once we've eliminated evidence to the contrary.

Poland to Pull Troops from Iraq at End of Year

Waitaminute! Poland was one of those unwavering coalition countries that Bush bragged about in the presidential debates! Four months into his term and suddenly they are withdrawing from the festivities. Next, they'll be labeled "Old Europe", and we'll be grilling Freedom sausages by the Fourth of July.

Drive-by Shotgun Attack on Siegfried & Roy

Now that Florida is planning to allow gun nuts to shoot others in public when they "perceive they are threatened", The only thing keeping this psycho ex-football kicker/knucklehead in jail is the fact that he didn't commit his crime in Florida.

New tourist slogan: Welcome to Florida- A land where you and your death squad friends can exterminate any stage performer that scares you!

Gun Nuts Want To Shoot First- Legally!
Florida's Governor Bush thinks it's a great idea

There once was a time when a citizen had to make an effort to avoid gunplay in public. Gun-wielding vigilantes couldn't, for instance, shoot a loitering hobo simply because he looked dangerous.

But Florida lawmakers were uncomfortable with that situation. "What if someone is threatening you?", they pondered. "Shouldn't you be allowed to shoot them? Maybe they're not even threatening you; what if you just "perceive" them as a threat? Is it OK to gun them down if they seem threatening?"

Apparently, they believe it is- the AP reports that Florida lawmakers are considering allowing residents to open fire whenever they see a threat. Governor Bush supports the idea and calls it, "...a good, common-sense, anticrime issue."

I haven't reviewed the proposed law in detail, but neither have the millions of Florida gun owners who have now heard of our new open-season on "Threats". I am sure they are planning to interpret the law in a much simpler manner than the lawmakers may intend, specifically, "If it bothers me, shoot it!"

Maybe the ruling will be used to justify shoot-outs on Florida highways. Swerving vehicles, tailgaters, and even annoying drivers who use their high-beam too close for your liking are really sources of danger on the road, and could be perceived as threats to your safety, correct? Let's save some lives, and blast those threats out of the passing lane!

How about drunk people leaving a bar, walking toward their car? Driving drunk is certainly a threat to other drivers, why not just knock 'em off in the parking lot before anybody gets hurt?

Even people who exceed the posted speed limit are really driving dangerously, and threatening our safety. The quicker we kill those speeding drivers, the sooner the roads become safe.

People who don't recycle could be judged as threats to the environment, and shot on sight. Sports fans who disparage another team too strongly might have to worry about gunfire returning from the opposing team's fans. Certainly, sports teams all perceive each other as threats- even the sportscasters say so. Professional football games could be resolved shortly after the coin toss, as team members all draw pistols, and the last man standing wins the game.

Is the insanity of using deadly force to attack imagined threats the best legacy our cowboy leader can trickle-down to the states? Perhaps he's proven that shooting first delivers no downside- all you really need to justify violence is a "perceived threat". No real threat is ever needed.

It seems to have worked for Bush in Iraq- now Jeb is asking us to try it in Florida. Be careful on who you side with on this issue; you may be perceived as a threat.